Make mine a McDaily, but hold the cheesy celebrity relish

Newspapers have long been considered tomorrow’s fish and chip wrappings. But now not even the take-aways will touch them. Newsprint leaves a nasty residue on you chips and a worse taste in the mouth it would seem.

Newspapers have been on the slide for some time, but the naff freebies on the cover which enshrines pages of guff, and worse, supplementary guff on a Sunday, are not the radical solution many editors believe.

How can a free CD and a host of complimentary municipal waste save a sector that the public are increasingly apathetic towards? Newspapers are yesterday’s news and can’t compete with the speed and detail of the internet and broadcast.

Broadcasters are lucky. They repeat the same story all day, illustrated by different opinions - however annoying that may be – and the audience's only escape is to listen to Chris Moyles, a less than satisfactory alternative. Newspapers simply refurbish the broadcast material the next day, or worse still, write about ex-Big Brother losers who cant get a job.

Celebrities are as tacky as free CDs and less interesting. Lend them a brain cell for an interview or wait for them to get lashed, it's east copy.

News is what made papers great. Digging around and reporting on issues that intelligent, yes intelligent, people want to read. Reporting spin, or worse, manipulating spin to fit their own agenda is not a good business plan. No cover mount can hide how transparent newspapers have become.

Why are magazines a preferred option these days? Because they respect their audience and don’t try and fob them off with low quality, rushed copy. Its not rocket science.

Newspapers are the publishing equivalent of fast food: Hastily prepared, bad for the digestion and instantly forgettable.